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WHY CHICKEN BUSES ROCK
by Patrick Billings
When Nebraska High’s Parents and Friends Association dumped this baby in a field, I’m sure they thought its glory days over. But hey, thanks to grinding poverty and an unwavering inconsideration for safety, 30 years later its back…revamped (aesthetically speaking) and Guatemala’s bargain gateway to the world.

That’s right I’m talking about Chicken buses. Ok, ok we’re all a bit sick of the old ice breaker, ¨Ha how about those Chicken buses hey?¨ But I’m from Sydney, Australia, where to great expense the public transport is still shit. I marvel at this model system.

Reborn, the Chicken bus is one of few places in Guatemala, perhaps the world, where you can be turned on under the eyes of Jesus, as girls in bikinis are pasted alongside the Holy Trinity. Not to mention the bump and grind travel or the slippery hands of the ¨conductor¨.

The staff of these crafts of convenience hold a contempt for passengers that would shame New York City bus drivers. And I feel we, the passengers, and 30 tonnes of steel are considered nothing but a hindrance, to the land/speed record attempts by the man at the helm. Certainly we and the steel rarely shape the angles he contends or the speed he nominates. And why should we? Like me he’s probably seen what happens in Gran Turismo when you crash….Nothing, at least legally

Is it just me or do you get the sense after apprehended for various crimes of indecency, the judge said well boys its either 6 years up in Guate or 2 on a chicken bus. This would explain the frantic driving – an effort to drive out the unhealthy carnal thoughts. Or perhaps the speed's an effort to deliver the passengers and make it back to that mountain village to find, assault and dump the body of a village girl before morning.

I guess what I am saying is open up the gates to the sexual predators division of Long Bay, Pentridge, or the State Penn, wherever you’re from. Let the perverts charge to the nearest bus terminal and rid your city of its transport woes. And as opposed to hidden transport tax hikes at least you’ll know when you’re being fucked.

And back here in Xela, as you gloss over the grisly road toll, remember you might be riding on a Rosa Parkes rebirth, so take the time to thank your driver, but stop yourself short at the second kiss on the cheek.
 
WHY MARIMBA ROCKS
The Marimba. Guatemala's national pride (after Gallo, that is). Basically a big-ass wooden xylophone, its music leaves a lot of foreigners cold, with kindergarten flashbacks and a strange yearning for milk, cookies and a bit of quiet time with blanky. We here at XelaWho wouldn't know a diminished chord if it started arpeggiating itself down the front of our pants, so we asked our resident musicalologist to explain, in simple terms...
by Galen Huckins

Chances are being an Extranjero, your experience of the marimba is shallow at best. Perhaps your host mother listens to it now and again while cooking huevos-a-la-everyday, or perhaps you have been to the Sunday market at parque central and heard Curly, Moe and Larry the “Nearly-Homeless-Mallet-Swingers”*. But stop and think about it, is the music on the radio back home any good? Tune in anywhere and you’re bound to hear the latest wave of girl/boy-band-easy-listening-punk-rock. You wouldn’t expect to hear any real music on the radio or at the shopping mall at home, why expect such a thing here?

The Marimba, like real punk rock, was shunned and persecuted by general society and considered a solely “indigenous” instrument, and (like punk) has only recently been accepted by the masses in the form of synthesized pseudo-pop and Simon and Garfunkel covers.

To hear real marimba music, you’ll have to see such groups as La Princesita or La Marimba Municipal. Here in Xela, the Bethancourt family has been into marimba playing since your grandfathers were in undies. Great-grandsons continue playing the music of their forefathers that was scrawled on the back of envelopes and napkins (before writing on the back of napkins was cool). They may not be on the radio or playing at Kokolokos, but for those interested in a little culture and some real mallet work, there’s hope yet.

This 14th at the Municipal Theatre, 7:30 (no that doesn’t mean sometime past 9). There will be a presentation of Marimba and Jazz, with yours truly on the piano and a crack team of local marimba, bass and percussion players. We will be presenting a variety of music from jazz classics to traditional marimba music and will be featuring guest appearances by several local talents.

I hope I have offered some insight as to an instrument commonly misunderstood (or rarely understood at all), and perhaps we’ll see a few of you on the 14th.

Signing out, G.

*names changed to avoid embarrassment


 
WHY YOGA ROCKS
Yoga… what exactly is the deal there? Is it just aerobics for hippies, or is it in fact the One True Path to Enlightenment and a Nicely Aligned Set of Chakras? We here at XelaWho are generally far too hung over to contemplate any question heavier than “what’s for lunch?”, so we asked our resident yogalologist, to explain, in simple terms…
by John Walker

Another New Year has arrived and along with it comes those New Year's resolutions. Many of which will include some form of health and fitness program. As you are considering where to allocate your energy this year, why not look for a program that not only improves you physically but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually as well? I believe yoga is just such a discipline.
Generally defined, yoga is an integrated system developing the body, mind and soul which in its highest form is both a transformational and transcendental practice.

I could go on and on explaining the many physical and health related benefits associated with consistent yoga practice - improved flexibility, muscle tone, and fat loss to improved mental clarity, concentration, blood circulation and efficiency of the major organs, but perhaps a brief personal testimonial would be more informative…

It was halfway through the "warm-up" sequence of my first ashtanga yoga class, wallowing in a pool of my own sweat, uncontrollably shaking trying to support my own body weight, and gasping for air that I had my first of many epiphanies (something like, maybe eating 2 lbs of red meat a day really is bad for me?).

As the practice continued, I realized there was more to yoga than just touching one's toes. Having been a bit of a muscle-head, I was impressed to find such a challenging work out was possible from nothing but my own body weight and 28 years of mental and emotional baggage. In no time, my flexibility, strength and overall well-being improved. And here it is, 3 years later and I am still consistently practicing yoga. Not so much for the physical benefits, but rather the changes that have occurred within. The practice has helped me understand that acceptance can be superior to ambition, honesty more empowering than self-deception, and that forgiveness and love are right on!

Simply put, yoga put me in a better headspace (all things being relative) allowing me to repair and begin more meaningful and sincere relationships. So if you’re looking for something that’s not only physically challenging, but therapeutic and transformational as well, check out the folks over at the Yoga House.



WHY VOLUNTEERING ROCKS
Volunteering… What the heck’s that all about? The last time that any of us here at XelaWho worked for free, we were mowing Grammy’s lawn (and even then it was only ‘cause she didn’t have enough food stamps to cover the bill). But here in Xela it seems like everybody’s doing something for nothing. We’re far too lazy to do anything like investigate, so we asked our resident do-gooder to explain, in simple terms…
by Elizabeth Johnson, Director of EntreMundos
Whereas we all know that traveling can be an exhilarating experience, it often grants only a surface understanding of local cultures and customs. You generally spend more time on buses than actually carrying on meaningful conversations with people from the passing communities. By committing your time as a volunteer, you gain the opportunity to connect with local culture on a deeper and more intimate level. More genuine and memorable relationships are fostered by living and working in a single community.

On a more practical note, for people still attempting to define their career path, volunteering can be a useful work experience. Not only do you have the chance to develop your employment and language skills, employers are often excited to see a demonstrated level of self-initiative and dedication.

Volunteering also provides an opportunity to work with people from diverse backgrounds and cultures. Furthermore, serving as a volunteer helps to support local, grassroots projects. Many local organizations are understaffed, poorly funded, and haphazardly directed and volunteers can help to give structure and guidance to the project. Many activities flourish when given international attention and exposure because of the presence of outside knowledge, training, and experience.

Whereas most organizations require that you have a basic command of Spanish, each project differs in regards to the expected skill level. The required time commitment fluctuates from project to project as well. If you are interested in working as a volunteer, check out the EntreMundos newspaper (available at most Spanish schools and restaurants around town) or stop by the office at 6a Calle 7-31. We are open Monday, Friday: 3-5pm, and Thursday, Friday: 11-1pm.

Our services are free, and we can put you in contact with over 100 local organizations.

 

 
xelawho.com is the online version of XelaWho magazine.
XelaWho is produced and printed in Quetzaltenango (Xela), Guatemala,
with distribution in Xela, San Pedro La Laguna and Guatemala City.
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