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Without doubt the best show in the history of all television would have to be Laura. It’s pretty much your typical Peruvian talk show -typical in that each episode features a heady mix of cheating spouses, transvestites, drug addicts, baby sellers, sex addicts, wife beaters, bigamists, polygamists, fist fights, hidden camera footage, pedophiles, love struck fools, male prostitutes, and always one weepy victim who Has Done No Wrong.

We here at XelaWho understand that not everybody has access to cable TV (and also that some people have better things to do with their lives) so each month we’ll be bringing you a summary of one of our favorite episodes…

THEME: My Husband Says He’s a Priest, But He’s Really a Scumbag
PUNCH ONS: 9

So we start with Ana (32) whose hubby beat her then abandoned her with the four kids and then she met this priest and he was really sweet to start off with, but now he treats her even worse - assaults her, calls her worthless and treats her like a dog. He even tried to suffocate her baby with a pillow. She can’t leave him ‘cos she has nowhere to go.

Out comes Katerine (10), Ana’s daughter - she’s got a skin infection, but the priest says she’s cursed and locks her in the closet. Laura packs her off with the dermatologist, who says the condition is easily curable.

So now out comes José (34), all full of the Man of God stuff - he’s always working to help others and says Ana is lying and how could he do these things if he’s a messenger of God?

Laura asks him not to stain the name of the church as there are many good evangelicals out there.

We cut to hidden camera footage of José beating Ana and Katerine. Back in the studio, Ana gives José a walloping.

Then out comes Lenny (27) who’s defending José, saying that he’s a good man and saved him from a life of drugs and crime.

Next up is Ernesta (16) who says that she’s sick and José took her in and promised to look after her, but now he treats her like a servant.

We cut to footage of José beating Ernesta. Out comes Ernesta’s mother, who whacks José around and then Ana joins in and they end up chasing José around the studio.

It gets worse. Eva (24) comes out - she’s José’s sister in law, but he raped her and refuses to acknowledge the kid, and then we cut to footage of José admitting the rape and paternity. So now all three women are beating into José, and Laura asks him who Pamela is.

He denies knowing any Pamelas, but out comes Pamela (14), anyway. José told her parents he was taking her on a trip to do charity work, but then he locked her up, raped her, then let his friends rape her. His plan after that was to sell her to Lenny (remember him?), who turns out to be a pimp. We cut to footage of José forcing Pamela to get naked so Lenny can take photos of her.

The three women get stuck into José again.

Then Laura asks José what he forces his own son to do, and of course he denies even having a son, but Cristian (12) appears, and says that José takes him around to cantinas where the customers pay to “touch him”. Cristian then drops the bombshell that José isn’t even a priest.

So finally José gets thrown out of the studio, where the cops are waiting to charge him with kidnapping, rape, human trafficking, etc and the soppy music starts up.

Roll credits.


PAST EPISODES...


SEPTEMBER 2006

THEME: MY WOMAN IS TOO AGGRESSIVE IN THE SACK
PUNCH ONS: 3

So we start with Jessica (29) who was beaten and abandoned by her husband and then she met Memo, but she broke up with him ‘cos he was cheating on her. Her daughter’s got leukemia and Memo says he’ll help with the hospital bills if Jessica goes to bed with him.
Out comes Memo (45) and he’s all love and kindness, just wants the best for Jessica and the kid - he’s supporting them anyway, and doesn’t care what anybody says. His plan is to wait it out and eventually Jessica will forgive him and take him back. Laura thinks it’s a good idea that we find out what sort of character this Memo is.
Delia (26) appears and starts slapping into Memo, saying that he set her up, drugged her, put her in bed with four guys and brought her mom into the room, so the mother took the kids away.
Ramira (56), the mother, comes onstage, calling Delia a floozy and saying she’s a bad influence on the kids. We cut to hidden camera footage of Memo saying he’ll help Delia get the kids back if she sleeps with him. Ramira beats into Memo and Laura asks him who Angelica is. He says he doesn’t know any Angelicas.
So out comes Angelica (25), Memo’s wife. She slaps into him and pulls his hair and gets a little teary, saying she loved and supported him.
And finally we cut to the footage of Memo offering Jessica the deal - sex in exchange for medical attention. The four women beat into Memo and he gets thrown out of the studio.
Suddenly the stage is flooded with kids, all reunited with their respective mothers. Laura arranges hospital care for Jessica’s daughter and the soppy music starts up.

Roll Credits.



AUGUST 2006

THEME: MY WOMAN IS TOO AGGRESSIVE IN THE SACK
PUNCH ONS: 3

So we start with Gustavo (30), who’s losing patience. He loves his wife, but she’s a little tomcat in bed. They’ve been married 11 years, but 6 months ago she started tying him up and biting and scratching him. The last straw was when she put his “sausage” in between two pieces of bread, covered it with mustard and mayo and was about to bite into it. Laura is speechless and the neighbors are complaining about his bloodcurdling screams at night. Out comes Sandra (26), the wife, who says it’s normal, and that a man should work to please his woman. She doesn’t care what the neighbors say. She complains that even though she begs Gustavo to beat her, he refuses.
Next out is Frederico (32), the neighbor, who says they’re way too noisy and he can’t get any sleep and keeps wondering if he should be calling the cops. Sandra says he’s a prude, and Frederico says she’s no good.
Laura asks Frederico if he thinks Sandra is hot. He says she’s alright, but dirty, so we cut to hidden camera footage of him cracking on to Sandra. Gustavo beats into Frederico. Sandra says that every time Gustavo goes to work, Frederico is knocking on the door, hassling her for some action.
Then Laura asks Gustavo who else he is with. He says no one (the big dummy) and we cut to footage of him and Maria going at it in the street. Maria (30) comes onstage and beats into Gustavo, soon to be joined by Sandra and then the two women start beating into each other and Gustavo slinks off.
Maria says she started seeing Gustavo when her husband left her, but Laura isn’t having any of that and out comes her husband, Pedro (29). He’s crying, asking why and all that jazz and Maria says it’s because he’s always working and what she can’t get at home she has a right to get in the street.
Laura tells Pedro that because of Maria’s “immoral conduct” that he can be granted full custody of their three kids.
Out comes some random psychologist who gives a trite little speech on how Sandra’s “obsession” must stem from being mistreated as a child. Gustavo says he’s leaving her and Laura says fine, as long as he pays child support.

Roll credits.


JULY 2006

THEME: I'M TIRED OF MY MOTHER CHEATING ON MEN
PUNCH ONS: 5

So we start off with Karen (23) who’s bored because her mother and sister go out all the time to parties, looking for men to “bleed” for cash. She doesn’t get invited because her mom says she’s a wet blanket at parties and besides she has to stay home and look after her four brothers and sisters. Men arrive at the house at all hours looking for her mom, but when they see Karen they want to get it on with her.

Mariel (44), the mother comes out, saying that Karen is always moaning and anyway, since her husband left her she has the right to go out and have a little fun. She’s teaching her 17 year old daughter how to “handle” men. Her steady man works out in the provinces and they don’t see each other much, but she sees other men anyway. According to her, all men are cut from the same cloth.

So then Graciela (17) hits the stage. She isn’t interested in finishing school - she’s having too much fun learning mom’s tricks. Her ma buys her condoms, because if she didn’t she’d just wind up pregnant.

Then Laura asks Graciela who Carlos is and she says that’s her mother’s partner. Laura asks if he’s been in the provinces and Graciela says no, they’ve been seeing each other on the sly, which starts off a nice little 3 way punch on between the daughters and mother.

Graciela justifies the whole deal by saying that she knew Carlos meant nothing to her mother.

Out comes Carlos (45), the fool, and Karen and Mariel run him down and beat into him. Carlos’ story is that he knew that Mariel was playing him so he started taking Graciela to hotels, because she was “asking for it”. Laura asks what his wife thinks about this arrangement.

Serena (41), Carlos’ wife enters and slaps Carlos around for a while, soon to be joined by Mariel and Karen. When Laura asks why he’s cheating on his wife, he says it’s because she’s insincere.

Karen starts paying out on Mariel, saying she’s ruining her. Mariel gets all weepy, saying she acts the way she does ‘cos her ex treated her bad.

Laura pays out on Graciela, asking where her dignity is, then says that she’s putting the kids into protective custody, but Karen pipes up and says that she’ll look after them instead. And that’s about as close to a happy ending as you get on Laura.


JUNE 2006

THEME: MY WOMAN SPENDS ALL MY CASH ON LOOKING GOOD
PUNCH ONS: 5

So we start with Frank (32) bitching about how his woman spends all his cash on makeup, haircuts and clothes. Out of his salary, he’s allowed US$1 per day for his bus fare and lunch. She goes out most nights, sometimes until 2am. Their sex life is suffering, too, as she goes to bed every night with lettuce, cucumbers and tomatoes on her face.

Karen (28) hits the stage, paying out on Frank, saying that he’s lucky to have a wife as hot as her. She doesn’t want to be treated like a servant, locked up in the house, and says that money is meant to be enjoyed. She has a friend whose husband left her for a more beautiful woman and doesn’t want that to happen to her.

Laura asks why she doesn’t work to pay for all this stuff, but she says that between all her beauty treatments she doesn’t have time.

Next out is Manuel (34), Frank’s best friend. He doesn’t understand how Frank can complain when his woman looks so good. Laura asks if Manuel is single, and he says yes.

So then we get to the meat. Laura asks Karen who Eddy is, and she denies knowing him.

Eddy (28) appears and says he has been with Karen 7 months. He and Frank punch on. Eddy says he left his wife for Karen and the got a room together until a month ago when he came home and she had stolen all his stuff and left with another man. Karen denies all this and says that Eddy is stalking her, but we cut to hidden camera footage of Karen admitting the relationship.

Out comes Eddy’s wife, Gloria (34) who punches into Eddy. He told her that he had to leave town to work, but she always suspected something. Eddy begs forgiveness and Gloria and Karen slap each other around.

Laura asks how many men Karen has. She says she is just with her husband, so Laura asks who is Ronald, and we cut to footage of Karen and Ronald kissing.

Ronald (28) comes out and there’s a little 3 way action between him, Eddy and Frank. Ronald thought that Karen was the woman of his life - he has spent all his money on her, and they were going to get married. Gloria and Karen go at it again. Karen begs Ronald to forgive her, says she loves him and that Frank means nothing to her.

Karen says Frank doesn’t give her what she deserves. Manuel pays out on Karen, asking her how could she, at which point we cut to footage of Manuel and Karen kissing. Frank and Manuel get stuck into it, then Manuel says he was just being friendly with Karen and that she seduced him.

Manuel and Karen get thrown out of the studio and Laura tells Frank that he’s a good man and he’ll find a good woman soon.

 


MAY 2006

THEME: I SUSPECT MY HUSBAND IS HIDING SOMETHING
PUNCH ONS: 8
So we start with Melinda (40) who says her husband has changed overnight. When they first got married he was all sweetness and light, but then he started hanging out with this other guy and now if he comes home at all, he’s wasted drunk when he does, but quite often he just crashes “in the street somewhere”.

Geraldo (43), the husband, appears, paying out on Melinda, saying that she’s a nut, and the only reason why he’s away from home so much is because he works all the time. He washes cars outside a nightclub, and sometimes his customers invite him for a “little drink”. Melinda asks if he’s working all the time, how come he never has any money. Geraldo quickly changes the subject.

Piero (34), Geraldo’s new friend hits the stage and there’s a fairly unsatisfying scuffle between him and Melinda. He backs up the Geraldo’s “washing cars all night” story, and diagnoses Melinda as a “loca”, too.

At which point Marissa (23), Piero’s girlfriend, appears. She reckons Geraldo is the bad influence and that Piero is a good man. She should know too - they’ve been together four months. Marissa says she’s sick of Melinda talking trash about her man, so the two of them go at it for a while before getting pulled apart.

Things are just starting to look tranquil, but then Marlene (18) comes out, claiming she’s pregnant to Geraldo, who Melinda proceeds to beat into with gusto. Marlene says Geraldo has shunned her and told her to get an abortion. We cut to hidden camera footage of Geraldo admitting paternity and threatening Marlene that he’ll “do it himself” if she doesn’t get a doctor to do it. Melinda slaps him around a bit.

But Laura is only just warming up. She asks Gerald who is Maribel, and of course he denies knowing her. We cut to footage of the two of them kissing, which earns Geraldo another slapping from Melinda, and then Maribel (32) comes onstage to get some from Melinda, too.
Maribel says that Geraldo told her he was single and wanted to move in with her. She has been supporting him financially.

Enough? Not quite. Jacqueline (16) appears. When she met Geraldo he was really nice and listened to her problems, but soon after, he drugged her and forced her to have sex with him. Melinda and Marissa beat into Geraldo. We cut to footage of Geraldo telling Jacqueline that if she doesn’t keep having sex with him, he’ll tell her mother about the first time.
Jacqueline’s mom, Paulina (38) hits the stage, less than happy, but takes a moment to lay a few upside of Geraldo’s head.

Then, as proof of Geraldo’s utter evilness, we cut to footage of him and Piero sharing a joint. In the inexplicable logic of Laura, this enrages the three women more than anything and they beat into Geraldo as he is thrown out of the studio and charged with statutory rape and blackmail.
Laura promises a scholarship for Jacqueline, medical care for Marlene and counselling for the other women.

Roll credits.

 


APRIL 2006

THEME: I´M DROPPING OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL TO MAKE MONEY WITH MY BODY
PUNCH ONS: 8

It’s Laura in her Jon Lennon white suit next to Yerika (16) who’s a midget. Yerika tells Laura her boyfriend found her work at a bar and that she is dropping out of high school. She says she never has sex with customers but sometimes they touch her and it is good for tips. Yerika gives all her money to her boyfriend who has no job. “I’m not a mongrel!” Yerika claims. Laura says anyone who trusts a man is a double mongrel. A lady from the audience made up like a clown gets worked up about it and yells at the camera.

Enter Janet (38), Yerika’s mom who has very sparsely populated teeth. She sobs and pats her chest maternally, her clip on mic amplifying each pat into an explosion. Janet and Yerika have a scuffle that is interrupted by hidden camera footage of Yerika kissing her boyfriend.

In strides Miguel (28), Yerika’s infamous boyfriend. Janet slaps him and he protests. He explains he can’t work because he has a bad back. Cut to hidden footage of Yerika prostituting herself with numerous guys. Miguel, flabbergasted as to what might be wrong with pimping 16 year-olds says she has to take advantage of her youth. A hidden camera shot of Miguel kissing someone.

Enter Luis “Deyenira” (25) who is an unconvincing cross dresser and one of Miguels hos. Yerika and Luis beat on Miguel. This continues while the hidden camera rolls, showing Miguel kissing another 16 year-old.

In slinks Irene (16) who also thought she was Miguel’s only girl. Everyone on stage slaps up Miguel. He says he’s a good guy. Laura tells him to shut up.

In comes Irene’s aunt who walks up to Miguel and pulls his hair. Everyone attacks Miguel. Laura turns to Irene and asks her if she wants Laura to pay for all her studies or continue as a whore. Irene thinks about it carefully and then decides to study. A hidden camera shows Miguel with another girl who has gone missing. The audience boos as Miguel is taken out with charges of pimping, kidnap and statutory rape.

Everyone but Laura and Yerika leave and Laura offers Yerika a free ride through college. Yerika says no, that studying is boring.

In comes a different Miguel and his girlfriend who look to be 90% plastic. They have made a movie about bull fighting with lots of manly crying scenes. There are a few clips of it and plasti-woman gives an utterly pretentious speech about how awesome she is and how she used to be as ugly and stupid as Yerika. Apparently that persuades Yerika and she thanks them, accepts Laura’s offer and bursts into tears.

Roll credits.


MARCH 2006

THEME: I'M NOT A TRAMP, IT'S THE GIRLS WHO GO AFTER ME
PUNCH ONS: 9

So there’s Raul (31) who’s been with his wife for 13 years. He claims that although he is in love with his wife he can’t keep the other girls at bay. Enter Chara (33) who talks like a chipmunk and says that she is anorexic because of Raul sleeping around. Laura can relate.

Sara (32) comes on and smacks Raul around. She supports her friend Chara and claims Raul tried to kiss her. Cut to hidden camera of Raul trying to kiss Sara. Chara and Sara lay in to Raul. Raul denies everything.

Jesus (34) strides on and Raul meets him for a scuffle. Jesus says he has always loved Chara. Raul calls him a clown which is apparently the last straw (or one of them) and Jesus tackles Raul. Jesus says Chara is a good woman. Quick cut to hidden camera of Raul kissing someone.

Enter Gina (33) who runs right up to Raul who is restrained and starts slapping him claiming she never knew he was married. Everyone else on stage gets up and joins in. He’s good to my kids says Gina. Raul says he doesn’t want a kid with her. Jesus pretends to kiss Chara and turns to Raul banging his chest like a challenging monkey.

Laura says women are great and men are horrible. A cheer erupts from the crowd.

Roll credits.

 


FEBRUARY 2006

THEME: THANKS TO ALCOHOL, MY HUSBAND CAN'T CUT IT IN THE SACK
PUNCH ONS: 7

So we start with Mariel (51) whose husband drinks all the time. Up until 6 months ago, when he got drunk he was insatiable, but now it doesn’t matter what she does, he just can’t get it up. He cheated on her 2 years ago and now she suspects he’s doing it again.

Walter (45) her husband comes onstage, saying that he cries every night for his lost manhood. He says he doesn’t have another woman and that all Mariel thinks about is sex and should have patience. He adds that the doctor told him that if he does have sex he might have a heart attack.
Out comes Florida (35), Walter’s ex-lover. She says it’s all over and she’s tired of Mariel accusing her of sleeping with Walter. Mariel and Florida scuffle.

Laura says she has a “witness” who says that Walter’s “thing” works just fine…

Erica (25) hits the stage, and starts laying into Walter, soon to be joined by Mariel. Erica has been with Walter for over a year. They make love all the time. He told her that they would get married and he would come to live with her.

Mariel and Erica beat into Walter again.

Walter says it was just a “momentary thing” with Erica.

We cut to hidden camera footage of Walter kissing Florida. A three-way punch on between the women breaks out. Florida says that Walter promised to leave Mariel for her.
Erica says that her sister warned her that Walter was no good.

Irma (28), Erica’s sister comes out and lays into Walter. She says she started sleeping with him and he told her that he would leave Erica for her, but she but soon realized that he was lying. Erica punches into Irma.

Walter gets all teary. He loves Irma and wants to be with her. Irma punches into Walter, who says he will change and stop womanizing. Irma says no because he cheated on her. Laura asks who is Miguel. Irma denies knowing him.

We cut to footage of Irma and Miguel kissing. Miguel comes onstage and lays into Walter. He had plans to marry Irma.

Laura asks Walter if he still wants to be with Irma. Walter says yes. Laura asks what he’s doing with a 15 year old, then.

Alejandra (15) appears. She was having trouble at home, so Walter took her to his house and then started sleeping with her, too.

Alejandra beats into Walter, saying that she loves him and that he promised her many things.

Laura arranges a part time job and a scholarship for Alejandra, Erica gets thrown out of the studio and Walter gets charged with statutory rape and kidnapping.

Roll credits.

 


JANUARY 2006

THEME: I GOT DRUNK AND NOW I’M REGRETTING IT
PUNCH ONS: 6

So we start with Johanna (19) who was abandoned by her parents and grew up with her aunt. One night, she was out at a party with her friends, getting drunk. Her uncle was there and he was hanging out with the gang. Next thing she knows, she wakes up in a hotel room, naked with her uncle who she has just had sex with. Now her uncle follows her around the house and tries to spy on her when she’s in the shower.

Maria (48), Johanna’s aunt comes onstage, saying that Johanna changed “overnight” and is now badly behaved and dresses like a floozy. Maria says she wants her out of the house as she has taken to threatening and slapping her around.

So Johanna drops the bombshell about that fateful night, at which point Maria goes ballistic, blaming Johanna and slapping into her.

Roberto (45) is next onstage. He, too, gives Johanna a few slaps, then admits what they did, but says that Johanna is now blackmailing him. So then Maria starts laying into Roberto.

We cut to hidden camera footage of Johanna blackmailing Roberto.

Johnny (34), Johanna’s boyfriend hits the stage and gets a few good ones into Roberto before he is restrained by Security. He says he wants to marry Johanna. Laura asks if he really knows her. He says yes, so Laura asks Johanna who is Ernesto. Following the time-honored traditions of the show, Johanna says she doesn’t know him, then that he’s “just a friend from work”. So we cut to footage of Johanna and Ernesto kissing.

Ernesto (34) comes out and lays into Johanna, who he says he loves. Johanna says she was only with Ernesto for fun.

But Laura says that Ernesto is a rat because…

Cynthia (17) appears, saying that Ernesto raped her and got her pregnant, but now refuses to help raise the baby.

Maria punches into Ernesto. We cut to footage of Ernesto admitting the rape and telling Cynthia to get an abortion. Maria punches into Ernesto again.

Ernesto gets thrown out of the studio and charged with rape.

Laura pays out on Johanna for how she’s behaved. Johanna says it’s because her mother abandoned her.

Johanna and Maria are sent to psychological counselling, and Laura organizes a job and health care for Cynthia.

Roll credits.


DECEMBER 2005

THEME: I SUSPECT MY HUSBAND IS CHEATING ON ME
PUNCH ONS: 4

It all starts with Maria (35) who suspects that her husband is having an affair with the neighbor. Her husband’s sister is friends with the neighbor and is always talking trash about Maria.

Out comes Miguel Angél (37), Maria’s husband. He’s tired of Maria’s jealous fits, and thinks she has psychological problems.

Laura says she put a trap to see if she could tempt Miguel Angél. We cut to hidden camera footage of Miguel at work, painting the front of a house. A young woman in tight clothes comes along and starts talking to him, saying that she needs her bedroom painted, and can he come over to give her a quote. Miguel Angél spills some paint on her by accident, and ends up giving her a cheap quote. She then starts flirting with him, but he knocks her back.

This is enough for Laura. Miguel Angél’s innocence has been established. Laura then wheels out her old “suspicious spouse” theory, and asks Maria if she is always faithful, to which she of course replies yes.

Soledad (36), Miguel Angél’s sister appears, saying she saw Maria going into a hotel with another man. A scuffle breaks out between the two women. Miguel says he thinks Soledad is jealous.

We cut to hidden camera footage of Maria kissing Miguel Angél’s best friend. Soledad and Maria punch on more viciously.

Juan (35), the “best friend” comes out and gets fisty with Miguel Angél. Juan says he loves Maria, and that they’ve been together for a year.

Maria says her daughter is sick, so she sleeps with Juan for money, and then that Miguel doesn’t cut it in the sack. Miguel starts paying out on her, saying that he doesn’t know what to do. Laura tells him to leave her, then has Maria thrown out of the studio.

So Miguel Angél and Juan go at it again, and then once they calm down, Miguel Angél pays out on Juan, saying that he has eaten at his table. Juan gets thrown out and Laura assures Miguel Angél that he’s a good man and that he’ll find someone soon.

Roll credits.

 


NOVEMBER 2005

THEME: I PAWNED MY DAUGHTER TO PAY A DEBT
PUNCH ONS: 11 (a XelaWho record)
So we start with Doris (32) who was in debt on her mortgage so she gave her daughter to a pawnbroker as collateral on a loan. Laura seems dubious about this method of house refinancing and says she has more respect for mothers who work as prostitutes to survive than those who sell their daughters.

Carmen (49) the pawnbroker appears. There is a bit of fisticuffs between her and Doris. Carmen is waving a piece of paper, saying that everything is legal, but Doris isn’t allowed to see her daughter because she hasn’t paid her debt.

Out comes Martin (36), Carmen’s husband. He’s going to buy Carmen a shop because she gets treated unfairly in the neighborhood because she gives loans.

Laura asks who is Janeth. Carmen denies knowing her. Janeth (18) comes onstage and scuffles with Carmen. She says her parents left her with Carmen, who now obliges her to work as a prostitute and beats her if she refuses.

So we see hidden camera footage of Carmen beating and shouting at Janeth.

Laura goes backstage to talk to Doris’ daughter, Maribel (14). She says Doris makes her sell drugs and let men grope her. Doris punches into Carmen and Martin. Carmen denies everything.

Out comes Antonia (31) who also beats into Carmen. She says she left her daughter with Carmen because her husband is sick and Carmen approached her in the hospital, offering to look after her.

We go to talk with Jacqueline (12), Antonia’s daughter. She says Carmen forces her to sell drugs and “do things with men”.

The two mothers beat into Carmen. We see footage of Carmen obliging the girls to sell drugs. Antonia beats into Carmen again. Carmen says she has to recoup the money on the bad debts. Laura asks what good money will do in prison. Possibly she is not fully familiar with the nuances of Peruvian prison life.

Laura then asks if she does all this to maintain Martin. Martin protests, saying that he works and loves Carmen. So Laura asks who is Johanna, and Martin denies knowing her, of course.

Johanna (30), Martin’s girlfriend hits the stage, laying into Martin, then Carmen, then Martin again. She says she’s trying to get rid of Martin because her daughter doesn’t like him.

Angela (14), Johanna’s daughter appears, saying that Johanna is always trying to get her to sleep with Martin for money. Carmen slaps Martin around.

We get footage of Johanna trying to convince Angela to sleep with Martin.

Johanna’s father David (52) comes out and starts laying into her. He says she’s never home and always drunk. Johanna gets thrown out of the studio and David is awarded custody of Angela.
Martin and Carmen are charged with kidnapping and drug trafficking.

The other mothers are sent to family court for a judge to decide if they are fit to retain custody.

Roll credits.

 


OCTOBER 2005

THEME: AUNT, I HAVE SOMETHING TERRIBLE TO CONFESS
PUNCH ONS: 7.5

We start off with Gloria (23) who has a terrible confession to make. When she was 7 months pregnant she had a two week affair with her Aunt’s husband.

Out comes Javier (43), the Aunt’s husband. He tries to punch on with Gloria, but is restrained by security (which counts as 0.5 in our book). He says Gloria is lying, trying to break him and his wife up. Tears and accusations fly.

The aunt, Janet (38) comes onstage. She can’t understand why Gloria is so morose and bursts into tears when asked what’s wrong.

The big moment arrives. Gloria confesses. Javier maintains his innocence.

Next onstage is Juliet (23), Janet’s daughter. There is a scuffle between Gloria and Juliet, who says Gloria is lying because she wants attention.

Laura then shows the inevitable hidden camera footage of Javier groping Gloria in the family home.

Janet starts beating into Javier, and is soon joined by Gloria. Then out comes Carlos (25), Gloria’s boyfriend. He and Javier go at it for a while, then get pulled apart.

But Laura warns us that there is something even more serious happening here. We cut to hidden camera footage of Juliet and Javier kissing. Janet beats into Javier, then Juliet. Laura, obviously disgusted, asks Juliet how she could do it with her stepfather, and she replies she was only doing it for the money.

But we haven’t finished. Laura asks Carlos if he really loves Gloria. This is always an ominous question on Laura. He says yes, and Laura asks how he could do this… and shows footage of him kissing Juliet. Gloria starts slapping Carlos and then gets stuck into Juliet.

We’re not finished with Javier either, though. Next we see footage of him kissing Karen, Janet’s sister. Karen (35) comes onstage and a brief punch on ensues between her and Janet, who then starts beating into Javier again. For some reason, Carlos joins in. The two men are eventually separated and thrown out of the studio.

Roll credits.

 


SEPTEMBER 2005

THEME: I GET EVERYTHING I WANT THANKS TO SEX.
PUNCH ONS: 5

We start out with Cristian (29) talking about what a stud he is. He doesn’t sleep with women unless they pay him, but denies it when Laura calls him a prostitute.

Out comes his girlfriend, Nol (25), who became a prostitute when her parents abandoned her at 15. She has been maintaining Cristian because he has promised to help her escape her pimp, who says he will kill her if she stops working. She tried to escape once and the pimp set her on fire. Laura says Cristian only wants her to escape so that he can pimp her out.

Oscar (40), Nol’s pimp comes onstage and starts fighting with Cristian. He says he deserves his pimping money because he “protects his girls”.

Laura asks Cristian who is Luisa. Cristian then tells Nol that he is leaving her for Luisa, who has more money. Luisa turns out to be Luis, a transvestite. She comes onstage and starts punching on with Nol, who still wants to live with Cristian.

Then we see hidden camera footage of Cristian kissing Maria (17), who is pregnant to Cristian. She comes onstage and says she has been stealing money from her grandma to give to Cristian who has promised to marry her.

Maria’s gran, Nelly (63) appears and starts laying into Cristian. She says she knew that Maria was stealing cash to give to some no-good guy. There are tears and reconciliation between her and Maria.

We then get hidden camera footage of Cristian at home, beating his wife, Elena (23). She comes onstage and starts punching Cristian. She says he has had her locked up for five months without seeing her son.

Elena’s mom, Susanna (46) comes out and starts laying into Cristian. Luis is yelling “dale!” (give it!).

Laura has Cristian thrown out of the studio and Oscar arrested for pimping and issuing threats. Nol gets a job and Elena is reconciled with her son.

Roll credits.


AUGUST 2005

THEME: MOM, I'M IN LOVE WITH A PROSTITUTE
NUMBER OF PUNCH ONS: 4

We start off with Juan (17), who has fallen in love with Rosa (24), the prostitute with whom he had his first “experience”. Rosa is now pregnant with Juan’s baby and Juan’s plan is for her to move into his mother’s house with him. Only problem is, Juan’s mother doesn’t even know he has a girlfriend.

Enter Juan’s mother, Adriana (41) who says that she can’t understand why Juan has been behaving so badly lately, including stealing money from her. Laura asks if she knows that he is in love. Adriana says no, so Laura very tactfully introduces her to Rosa by means of hidden camera footage showing her picking up a customer and negotiating a price. Adriana starts beating Juan around the head and shoulders.

Rosa comes onstage, she and Juan declare their love for each other and she affirms that she is expecting Juan’s baby.

Next onstage is Rosa’s pimp, Jorge (32). A scuffle breaks out between Juan and Jorge. Jorge denies that he is doing anything wrong, and says he has five “girls” because he has to earn a living some way. We see some hidden camera footage of Jorge slapping Rosa around and demanding money from her. Jorge says the baby could be his and Rosa says this is a lie and starts beating into him.

Laura then asks Jorge if his girlfriend knows what he does for a living. Jorge says no. Out comes his girlfriend, Susanna (27), who immediately starts beating Jorge up. She says he told her that he worked in an office.

Laura then asks Rosa if the baby may not actually belong to her “official” boyfriend. We cut to hidden camera footage of Rosa kissing passionately with Adano (25). Adano comes onstage and he and Juan punch on for a while. Adano then says he thought the baby was his. Rosie admits she doesn’t know who the father is. Laura then has Jorge thrown out of the studio and arrested for pimping.

Juan and Adriana hug and make up and Laura gives Rosa a scholarship to study and a hot dog cart to make an honest living.

Roll credits.

 


Portofino:
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Salsa Rosa:
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Hostal Don Diego:
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