Let's begin by stating assumptions based on current observations. Your eyes are affixed to this page, so chances are you're a gringo. The first assumption provides basis for second: you have previous knowledge of both western and local culinary fare. As for the third, let's just say that as much as you - daring foreigner living in a developing country - try to deny it, you all crave the comforts of your homeland at one point or another. As delicious as your last papusa was, and as exotic as chicharron and other nameless pig products remain, occasions arise when you feel like using a full range of cutlery, savoring exotic flavors such as basil, or eating something cheesy and creamy that is actually made from cheese and cream. With these thoughts in mind, your faithful reporter promises to brave the cold winter nights to bring you the scoop on the finest culinary fare Xela has to offer.

HOT SPOTS

So you've been here a few weeks and you're as sick of rice and beans on your plate as you are tired of Billie Jean and I want you back being played at benefit parties. So you think to yourself that you'd really like to cook something special for your host family, something that, after scouring Xela for ingredients from home and sweating over a hot stove all afternoon, you can show them just what kind of culinary talent you've been hiding all along. And they may look back at you, very politely and say… bien. But where to find such shocking ingredients? Well here's the scoop, and it ain’t Paiz...

Casa de las Especias 16 Avenida “A”, Zona 3.
Ground cumin, curry powder, mustard seeds and more, including a good selection of tea making (mostly sleep inducing) leaves and petals. Also have catalogue in English/Spanish to you don’t have to guess which brown powder you are buying.

El Pasaje 12 Av, Pasaje Enriquez, next to Bar Tecun.
Probably the best restaurant in Xela also boasts the best deli, with a mean cured meats and an imported aged cheese selection that you won’t find anywhere else (and if you do, be very careful). Also mad props for anchovies, Arborio rice and Toblerone chocolate.

Almacén El Mundo 17 Av 0-46, Zona 3.
Hidden gem that stocks various soys, prepared pastes and dry spice mixes along with rice paper, rice noodles and generally all things appropriate to serve with rice. Also sporting a number of liquids involving the fermentation of fish. Good stuff.

Deposito El Florida 8 Calle 11-15, Zona 1.
Lots of things in tins, which is weird, but it does mean coconut milk and whole peeled tomatoes are always at the ready. Also, for fans of baking, yeast and baking powder (Levadura y Royal, respectively) are available. Now all you need is an oven.

PAST REVIEWS...

Antojitos La Criolla, 8 Calle, 19-46, Zona 1

Guatemalan cuisine may not (or should we say does not) have the sound culinary reputation that other world cuisines have for imagination, diversity or technique, but a little searching behind the pupusa and taco stands reveal a rich and rewarding culinary history. Last week I visited a small, tidy and always full joint I had been eyeing off for some time. A wide spectrum of dishes is on offer here, all being freshly prepared and pleasantly presented. Not to mention served very quickly, which we like a lot...

We stopped by on a Friday night, but unfortunately this ensured we would not get to taste the Pachis, the most Quezaltenangus of all Quetzaltenango dishes, as they are only on offer Thursday and Saturday, I believe in accordance with some sort of unwritten law which states they will not be prepared more than twice a week.

We did, however, experience the delights of an expertly prepared chuchito (Q5), lovely cambrayes (Q5, basically a tamalito, but smoother and sweetened, prepared with butter and raisins) and tostadas of beetroot and assorted vegetables.

Really very good, and not much more expensive than the street considering you get a seat and waiter.
Papaya licuados (Q5) kept us afloat for the four minutes or so it took to deliver the next round of food, and soon we wondered if we could fit it all in.

The taste of it gave us the answer. A beautifully light chile relleno came, stuffed with moist pulled chicken and served simply with rice and a nicely spicy salsa picante.

Two delicious and nearly identical plates awaited us, a churrascito (grilled marinated beef) and Costilla de coche (braised pork ribs), both plated with the old favorite I had been waiting for: frijol volteados.

In the end, there was nothing to contemplate but internal explosion and aching viscera, oh and maybe those Pachis next week…

Any city which has a flourishing or at least sustained tourist trade will have its share of entrepreneurs and hopeful opportunists believing that simply firing up the CD player, coffee machine and deep fryer is enough to bring in customers. Whilst such establishments are rightfully lost to the annals of history, it is always pleasant to come across places that have a very clear idea what it is they can offer, and do it very well. The following duo could not be further apart in style, but somehow have that very convincing thing in common. This month's future classic, and certified classic are…

The recently opened Balalaika sits just off 4a calle on 14th Av. " A" on the way to Teatro Municipal. Naming the joint after a Russian stringed instrument is one of a few touches that exemplify an attempt to distinguish this place from others in Xela. The colorful paintjob has a similar effect and in fact gave me flashes of a beachside Sydney cafe. Service was prompt and attentive, but the food was far above the feature here.

We shared pechuguitas (Q54), which came with a lovely tangy coleslaw and mayonnaise, the chicken lightly crumbed and crispy. A small plate of nachos (Q30) followed with the usual accompaniments, tasty and well seasoned. Next, I had the best steak I've had in Allah knows how long, served with rice, a blue cheese sauce, and a zucchini carpacchio with baby capers. Incredible. My economically-minded friend had a Q20 plate of the day with steak, rice, and pickled cucumber. The daily Q20 special also comes with a drink. The meals were excellent, though small for the average traveler. My only minor quibble is having to pay for a bottle of Agua Pura after asking for a glass.

Comida Tawainisa is a tiny hole in the wall down on the corner of 8th Av. and 9th calle. They serve only a few things so we tried them all. Shaved ice with fruit and syrup (mango, coco, banano etc.), crispy cabbage and tofu stuffed empanadas with very good chili sauce (Q3), delicious homemade iced soymilk (Q3) and little animal-shaped cakes. The fruit mixes are lovely and fresh, the empanadas delicious treats, though a bit greasy. Very simple, very effective and very friendly. Just the thing for hot summer days.

Cantonese food is so many things, yet still somehow singular: salty yet sweet, foreign yet homely and timeless but still so 80´s. I've partaken in Chinese food around the globe and regardless of the way it was bastardized, it always fills this criteria more consistently than any other cuisine. For example, Thai food in Seattle: bad. Mexican in Sydney: uh, nope. Sushi in Mexico? Woah there, careful now. Said the old fellah, " an audience knows what to expect and that is all they are prepared to believe." He spoke of theatre of course but is that not the success of wontons, chop suey and fried rice?

Last week I found myself ready to believe, so we arrived late at Shai Long (18 Avenida 4-44, Zona 3) and took a quiet seat upstairs. The usual suspects were on the menu, so we ordered a Moza (Q17), a Corona (Q20) and a plate of San Choi Pow (Q58) to start, with Stewed Duck in Oyster Sauce (Q46) and Pescado con Salsa de Tomate (Q58) to follow. The service at Shai Long deserves a mention; very friendly, unhurried yet attentive waiters know the dishes on the menu and are happy to explain them. Unfortunately, I did not ask the right questions (i.e. is the San Choi Pow a starter?). Being hungry and not checking prices, I was taken aback when a viking's feast hit the table. Massive. So massive that if you tried to get on a chicken bus with it, the ayudante would insist that it ride on the roof and actually break a sweat getting it up there. Still, a congruous mix of chicken, shrimp, pork and vegetable sat on a bed of crispy rice noodles wrapped in lettuce. The duck dish was well cooked and swimming around in a ginger-scented sauce with my old friend broccoli, whom I had not seen in months. The pescado was good and moist, lightly battered, but let down by an unsuccessful sauce, which was dominated by sesame oil and little else. After the gargantuan portions defeated us, we had a couple of meals worth of leftovers packed up and ventured to sample a predictably sweet but otherwise quite good white chocolate and coconut pie. We left late as the waiters sat down to a deserved bowl of noodles together, bags of food under our arms, wallets a lighter, still believing.

FEBRUARY 2008

You set out for a night on the town, thinning wallet in hand and gourmet's appetite intact, but fearless nonetheless with your trusty travel bible at your side, ready to experience the budget delights Xela has to offer. Low and behold, all ain't quite as was written (another Good Book comes to mind). The prices are higher than listed, quality lower. If it's still open. Lest you be blessed enough to own a flux-capacitor, you may want to check out the following quality budget eateries. They're not so much a guide as a diary of delights I've encountered on the streets in the past month (and if it seems a less than critical, don't worry, there are plenty of places that didn't make the list).

Cajola Churrascitos (Calle Rodolfo Robles 19-33, Zona 1) - This small but always busy place serves up simple and delicious plates of grilled beef, black beans and cabbage salad for Q10. Friendly Guatemalans eat here, and there are always a few around who enjoy a Gallo or two as well.

Famosa 23 (Avenida 23 3-15, Zona 1) - A Central American dish so good that this comedor has dedicated its entire menu to it, cerviche is a dish of seafood cold cured in lime juice, salt, cilantro, onion and often other secret ingredients. Two plates, straight shrimp or mixed seafood, are available and sizes range from Q25-50. I simply cannot recommend this highly enough.

Couple in trailer (corner of 14 Avenida and 1a Calle, Zona 3) - The ‘chivos fan in the know avoids the lines and high prices inside the stadium and buys some perfectly cooked chicken or churrascos for Q15 just outside. Served with potato, tortillas, bread and an incredibly piquant salsa verde, they rate as the best street food I've had in Guatemala.

Pollo Oralé (Calle Rodolfo Robles 19-63, Zona 1)  - Oralé serves 3 large, fresh tacos smeared with sour cream and shredded beef or chicken, shredded onion, shredded cabbage and generally more shredding than a Van Halen concert, and all for Q10. They're the best and freshest tacos I've had in Xela and the heavily cinnamon-infused horchata rates as top-notch. They also sell delicious whole roasted chickens for Q50 or Q60, depending on size. Oralé indeed.

JANUARY 2008

Portofino sits a mere three blocks from Parque Central, doubling as the venue Pool and Beer. Clearly to the average gringo this is not a hindrance, and in fact the joint also has a foosball table and chess, pieces available on request. We arrived and were greeted by Pink Floyd on the stereo, a warm welcome from the chef and a fairly expansive menu including handmade gnocchi, pizzas, salads and seafood. We promptly ordered our meals and kept ourselves placated with a glass of house red (a very robust Spanish concoction not for the faint-hearted) and a beer, whilst my friend made my chess pieces wish they had never been carved.
 
Soon thereafter, a perfectly cooked fillet of fish (Q52 - breaded with a parsley sauce, modestly garnished with lettuce, a few mushrooms and olives), along with a simple tomato and olive oil salad (Q22) and a bowl of potato gnocchi with pesto cream sauce (Q44) were set before us. On the whole it was delicious, and far from twisted in the way that European fare can so often become here. However, I certainly wouldn't have any objections to a more substantial accompaniment to the fish; the old meat-and-sauce-only is true trattoria style á la Italia, but a plate of vegetables or potato is usually served alongside. We did receive some complimentary bread, but to be honest, it was rather dry and hardly something you would pay for. On a brighter note, the fish was very fresh, basil and cheese notes of the cream sauce pungent, sharp and balanced as they should be, and the simple salad well seasoned. Simplicity and respect for ingredients are the cornerstones of Italian food, and both points are well observed at Portofino.