| First of all, this is not your
average café. Why? Because it’s one of the fancier
restaurants in town. But then, they say they’re a restaurant-bar-café,
so yours truly has no compunctions about sliding in every now
and then for a quick caffeine fix.
Besides, it’s beautifully decked out, and on a sunny day
there are tables out the front where you can sit and watch the
world go by.
Back inside, there’s a plasma screen TV and the menu features
snacks and all sorts of semi-exotic dishes like fondue.
The espresso lives up to all this hoity-toitiness, too - a thick,
dark brew with a good crema and a smooth aftertaste.
Tertuliano’s is at 5 Calle, 14-28 in Zone 3. Hours are
Midday to 11pm daily.
THE
CAFFEINE FIEND'S GREATEST HITS...
OCTOBER
2006
I have bad news for you,
Zone 1. You are not the coffee capital of the world. You’re
not even a satellite town as far as coffee goes. You’re
what I would look on as an outlying suburb, caffeine-wise.
Ground Zero, as far as espresso hits go, is Zone 3.
There’s so many cute cafes out there that, were I
foolish enough to attempt a Café Crawl, drinking
one espresso at each place, I would certainly be dead from
a massive coronary before I’d even got halfway through
the list.
But good Lord, what a magnificent way to go out.
Anyway. If I ever do try it, I’ll make sure that one
of the first places on my list is… |
LA
SASTRERIA |
Sometimes you walk into a place in Xela
and get the feeling you’ve been transported somewhere
much more a la mode. That’s the feeling you get in
La Sastreria.
Formerly a tailor shop (hence the name), the tables bases
are made out of old singer pedal sewing machines.
Apart from that, the furniture’s all hip and curvy,
the jazz is soft and the pastries come courtesy of an Italian-trained
chef.
The espresso? Delectable. Thick and creamy, it comes in
those square cups where you think you’re going to
spill it all down the front of your shirt, but never do.
One of them and a light-yet-filling frittata is a great
way to start the day.
La Sastreria is at 7 Calle 14-52, Zone 3. Hours are 8am-midday
and 3pm-8pm Tues-Fri and 9am-12:30pm and 3-8pm weekends.
|
SEPTEMBER
2006
I have drunk the best
of coffees and the worst of coffees. Yea, verily. I have
walked in the shadow through the valley of decaffeination
and come out the other side. I have done things of which
I am not proud. I have recycled coffee grounds. In have
drunk coffee in airplanes. I have, may god forgive my mortal
soul, resorted to instant. But none of the above is necessary,
as long as the doors are open at… |
CASA
ANTIGUA |
Let’s start by saying this is a
beautiful house. Built in 1814 by one of the local gentry,
it’s been lovingly restored and now makes for one
of Xela’s more atmospheric eating spots.
Apart from lounging in the pretty courtyard out back, listening
to cool jazz, this is one of the few café/bar/restaurants
in town with a pool table, and you can while away many a
lazy afternoon practicing your bank shots, believe me.
The espresso? Impeccable. Fresh ground on the premises,
the beans give a good thick cup that falls just short of
being heavy. Good crema, good texture, good aftertaste -
top marks all around.
Casa Antigua is at 12 Av 3-32, Zone 1. Hours are 8am to
11pm Monday to Saturday and 11:30am to 11pm Sunday.
|
AUGUST
2006
Espresso is not a pastime,
my friends, and it’s certainly not just another drink.
Milkshakes, orange juice, Bloody Marys - all these can be
good or bad, but rarely excellent or atrocious.
Espresso is a science. From growing and selecting the beans,
to the roast and grind to the maintenance and operation
of the machine, the production of that little cup of black
gold is a process and a passion, something that they understand
at… |
CELAS
MAYA CAFE |
Spanish schools, I’m going to let
you in on a little secret here. You are not famous for your
coffee. For weekly excursions to the same places that the
other schools visit, certainly. For redefining a piece of
bread as a mid-morning snack, probably. For excellence in
foreign language instruction, sure. Why not?
But your coffee sucks.
All over town at about 10:30 every morning,
one question is being asked: Is this coffee or tea?
This is not a sign of caffeinated excellence,
people.
So what a rocking idea it is to open a
café inside a Spanish school. And what a rocking
little café this is.
The espresso comes thick and strong and
the snacks (especially the mocha cake) are so good you have
to get there early before they sell out.
And if you’re in the mood to hear
some woeful Spanish (a commodity it’s so hard to come
by in this town), you’re welcome to sit out in the
leafy patio of the language school and eavesdrop on the
lessons in progress.
Café Celas Maya is at the corner
of 6th Calle and 15 Avenida, inside Celas MayaSpanish School.
Hours are 10am to 5pm Monday to Friday.
|
JULY
2006
Life is comings and goings. The trick
being to know if you are arriving or departing. Some stay
for a long time, and do nothing. Others pass through, a
whirlwind of activity. I would prefer to stay, to capture
this moment under glass and live it forever. But it doesn’t
work that way.
Just as energy never disappears, it is only dispersed, so
it is that we are in a constant state of flux. Even sitting
still, we are constantly changing – breathing, growing
decaying. We have to move on, but when we do, it’s
comforting to know that we can pass by… |
CANDELAS
CAFE |
I don’t like to leave town. In
fact, I don’t like to leave my bed, and I think you’ll
find that once I get that espresso machine installed on
my bedside table, the frequency of these articles will drop
off pretty sharply.
Until that day, it is sometimes my unhappy
duty to make dust, so it was with great joy in my heart
that I found this little place right next to the Alamo bus
station.
Waiting for a bus has always been synonymous
with crap coffee, but the little machine here pumps out
one of the best cups in town. Dark, smooth and with a crema
so thick you can almost eat it.
Almost worth leaving town for.
Another bonus here is that they actually
serve food, not just snacks - there’s a whole range
of meals on offer and some excellent value set lunches.
Candela’s Café is at 14 Av
5-15C, Zone 3. Hours are 9am to 8pm Monday to Saturday. |
JUNE
2006
The search for Xela’s best espresso
has taken me on some strange and wonderful adventures. It
has led me to do things that I wouldn’t tell my mother
about. And things that I would tell my mother about, but
I would say that my friend Thomas did them. It has taken
me down many a long and winding road - roads often beset
by poor drainage and inadequate sidewalk facilities. Roads
that brought me this month to… |
EL
CUARTITO |
I think it’s fairly obvious that
I’ve been in Xela too long. I just can’t get
over how hip this place is. I keep going back to make sure
that I’m not somehow augmenting its hipness in my
head, but when I get there, there it is, as hip as ever.
The owners may not have spent millions
decking the place out, but they’ve done an excellent
job, using recycled materials and finding creative applications
for objects we walk past in the market every day without
even thinking about them.
And the coffee? Well, you know that I wouldn’t
be writing about them if it weren’t First Class.
The little Gaggia machine may look small, but it turns out
an espresso that does the brand proud.
Snacking options are limited at the moment
(give ‘em a chance - they only just opened!), but
the music is good, the atmosphere relaxed and weekend nights,
when they have live acts, the place packs out, but in a
comfortable and laidback way.
El Cuartito is at 13 Av 7-09 in Zone 1.
Hours are 10am to 11:30pm, Wednesday to Sunday. |
MAY
2006
There is no past and there is no future.
Time is not as it seems - a continuous line. The only moment
that we can possibly live in is this one - everything else
is nostalgia or speculation.
Time is separate moments, joined together like frames on
a film strip. They flash by so fast that we think we see
continuity. But in every moment you and I and everything
else ceases to exist, then comes into being.
These comings-into-being are what causes the universe to
vibrate. How does a quartz watch work? Because the quartz
is constantly vibrating. How can a rock vibrate? Because
it is constantly ceasing to be, and coming into being. Everything
is coming into being, always, just like… |
CASA
VERSAILLES CAFFE |
This is a sweet little café. Make
no mistake. Something about wooden floorboards and soft
jazz makes my normally moderate hankering for caffeine shoot
through the roof, and I could hang around in a place like
this all day. What’s more, the mini balcony out the
back is the perfect place to catch a few rays of Xela’s
precious, precious sun.
Now, a lot of places say they have a “European”
ambience, and this generally translates into a couple of
Lautrec posters stuck up on the walls, but this place does
a pretty good job of it, and the crêpes here are certainly
nothing to be sneezed at.
The expresso? Well, this is a dark little demon of a cup
if I have ever had one. In Italy, we’d call this the
ristretto, and it’s a serious coffee drinker’s
drink. Light on the water, heavy on the good stuff, it’s
gone in about two sips, and if you have any plans for sleeping
in the next eight hours… well, just forget about it.
Casa Verailles Caffé is upstairs
in the back of the Mansión Marilyn on 13 Avenida.
The easiest access is from 14 Avenida between 5 and 6 Calle.
Hours are 8am to 8:30pm Monday to Saturday.
Editor’s Note: We regret to inform
you that Casa Versailles Caffé is no longer in operation.
|
APRIL
2006
Elusive like a good game of cricket in
China and as odd as a publess town in Ireland. Obscure like
peace in Iraq and as rare as a grey painted house in Guatemala.
Exotic as only a kangaroo in Botswana feels or with the
overwhelming mystery that the oceans hold. Espresso: unquantifiable,
illicit, outer-planer, the real life giver, the animator,
the one to whom we pay homage when the sun rises, sustaining
us until the world has spun and we can pray again.
If coffee is the church, I would be one
of the chosen, striding long, exploring every nook and cranny
along the great path to caffeine enlightenment. With every
month I feel closer, especially after visiting… |
CAFE
DE LA RICCA |
Look out to the street when you’re
sitting and sipping rather than deeper into the fast-food
joint La Ricca Burger that is connected to the Café.
The White Castle-esque La Ricca seems to be obsessed more
with florescent lighting and baby-sized portions than quality
or ambience. However, Café de la Ricca is quarantined
from it all and offers floor to ceiling windows that make
for an above average person-watching hide.
The espresso (and other small selection
of coffee recombinations) is solid, decently priced, and
comes in a little glass beaker with a chic metal handle.
Really though, the windows are what puts this place on the
map, allowing you to enjoy the authentic experience of the
street without the equally authentic smell of fumes and
urine.
Café de la Ricca is on 4th Calle
at 12-25 in Zona 1 in the restaurant named “La Ricca”.
Hours are 6:30-11 daily. |
MARCH
2006
It’s not that I’m an addict.
Or if I am: not the point.
The point is to hunt: to run through the tunnels of meat
markets and leap the pits of perpetual road construction
and to encounter. To encounter the one white receptacle
into which is poured a shot of espresso as pure as Bolivian
cocaine and with strength sufficient to agitate but not
wither the senses. A perfect mix of brushed steel sheek
and country-bumpkin barn: of hairy muscled chests and feminine
flowery leg warmers.
As the ranks of espresso machines swell,
die off and replenish again I must be quick. I must be nimble.
I must not give up: throw in the towel. I must go to the
deepest depths and climb the tallest stairs, a sentiment
which led me this month to the third floor of Monte Blanc
and… |
CAFE
EL BOLOVAN |
Now, if you are a true, socially conscious
traveler the word Mall will be a synonym for gratuitous-soulless-mindcontrolled-consumerism,
but somehow the cozy curtains of Bolovan block such anti-Zen
energies. With a full floor separating Bolovan’s cute
two person tables from the designer babies of ground level
you can be sure to get your fix in at least the semi-tranquility
of coffee shop banter.
Not burnt or stale, their espresso hits
home with caffeine worthy of its 9Q price and if a little
buzz is needed to jump start your morning almost half of
the menu’s front page is coffee with imported liquor.
There are some burgers and sandwiches that pass quality
control but set no record (costing from Q10-20) and a wait-staff
that does, in looks if not in service.
THE FINE PRINT: El Bolovan is in the middle
of the third floor in Mont Blanc (Pais) at the junction
of 18th Avenida and 3rd Calle in zone 3. |
FEBRUARY
2006
I am the permanent pilgrim. I meander
from site to site, forever searching for that perfect espresso.
I know that my Holy Grail is out there somewhere, waiting.
All I must do is unearth it. Those who have been following
my Quest will know that I have traveled far, and that I
have traveled wide. I have scoured the shopping malls, the
back alleyways, the lowlife fleapits, the dens of iniquity
and the fashion hubs of Quetzaltenango. This month, I even
traveled to The Other Side of the Park, to visit… |
CASA
D'IXQ'ANUL |
| On a sunny day, the D’Ixq’anul
is the place to be. Set in a restored colonial house, tables
are arranged around the cobbled courtyard. It’s a
good cup of coffee here – strong, but smooth, with
a crema that persists, and served in lovely blue ceramic
cups.
The music is a pleasant change from the
usual café fare – no sign of Guatpop radio
here.
If I weren’t so driven, I’d say that I had found
my place, but we all know that my search continues… |
JANUARY
2006
(With apologies to Lao Tzu)
Espresso can be talked about, but not the
Eternal Espresso
Names can be named, but not the Eternal Name
As the origin of heaven-and-earth, it is nameless:
As “the Mother” of all things, it is nameable
So, as ever hidden, we should look at its inner essence:
As always manifest, we should look at its outer aspects.
These two flow from the same source, though differently
named;
And both are called mysteries.
The Mystery of mysteries is the door of all essence.
And the door of all essence opens into... |
MOETS |
Xela needs more places like this.
Attention budding small businesspeople: Xela needs more
places like this. Cozy, but not cramped. Stylish but not
pretentious. The sort of bar where you want to go to hang
out with friends and actually have a chat, where the music
isn’t too loud or too obnoxious.
The sort of place that annoying drunks just naturally stay
away from. There’s even a comfy little sitting area
out in the back patio for when the weather’s warm
and you want a bit more privacy.
The espresso, of course, is beyond reproach and there’s
a decent range of snacks on the menu. Check it out - you
won’t be disappointed.
THE FINE PRINT: Moets is on 7 Calle 15-24,
Zone 1. Opening hours are from 9:30am to 10pm. |
DECEMBER
2005
In the beginning there was The One
True Coffee, and its name was Espresso. The world was at
peace, if slightly jittery and sometimes unable to sleep.
But then humans had to get all vain and complicated, and
add things like frothy milk, and come up with fancy Italian
names which they then mispronounced.
Thus was born the Cup of Chino.
The gods were angered by this aberration of their gift to
humanity, and they sent down the demon Nescafe to confuse
and weaken the minds of the heathen sinners.
But there were those who did not succumb to the temptations
of the Evil Instant Beverage.
They met in secret, and formed the Cult of the Small White
Cup, and vowed to keep the sacred essence alive, as they
do in… |
EL
PROVENZAL |
This used to be a cute little neighborhood
café until they took over the place next door, and
now they’re a cute, slightly larger neighborhood café.
The espresso is excellent, the music not too jarring and
the walls are painted in a pleasant shade of orange, in
case anybody else cares about that kind of thing.
One reader writes to say that around four o’clock
the yummy mummy count in this place goes through the roof,
but your humble correspondent knows nothing of such things,
choosing instead to keep his mind firmly on the higher plane.
Snacks are fairly standard, although they do do an excellent
donut, and while breakfast options are limited, this is
a comfy little place to drop into any time of day.
THE FINE PRINT: El Provenzal is at the
corner of 17 Av and 6 Calle, Zone 3. Hours are 8am to 8pm
Monday to Saturday. |
NOVEMBER
2005
I have travelled Lord. Yea verily, hath
I travelled. From the highlands to the lowlands. I have
ridden taxis, buses, walked, bicycled, even tuk-tuked on
my Quest for Xela’s finest expresso.
Why, Lord? Why must thou Torment me? Canst thou no use thy
Divine Benevolence and open up a cozy and intimate coffee
lounge at the end of my street? Possibly serving a perky
little cheesecake, if thou canst find it amongst thy Heavenly
Capabilities?
But I know that thou art testing me, Lord. And I shall Overcome.
Thus I hath bespaken. I shalt Overcome. As I did in… |
LA
VIEJA ESTACION |
Your humble reviewer does not generally
hang out in shopping malls. Something about screaming kids,
fluorescent lights and low grade instrumental pop disturbs
my equilibrium.
But, like any junkie, when I need a fix it doesn’t
matter where I am. And sometimes necessity dictates that
I make my Presence felt in La Pradera. And more often than
not, the very least that I need when I am there is a good
cup of coffee to deal with the experience.
La Vieja Estación is a little stand set up in the
main concourse. It scores zero on atmosphere and a possible
three on snacks, but the coffee is some of the best in town.
Good to know if you’re in a jam.
THE FINE PRINT: La Vieja Estación
is inside La Pradera mall, out of town, where the cinemas
are. Listen for the bus guys yelling “Hiper!”.
Hours are 9am to 9pm. |
OCTOBER
2005
My Quest for the best expresso in Xela
continues. And like many Quests, it is complicated. And
like many complicated things, it is simple. What appears
to be adversity can often be opportunity. What appears to
be an obstacle can often become a stepping stone.
Sometimes I feel like giving up. But I know I must not.
Because every drab, lifeless little cup that I force down
brings me closer to my One True Goal.
Sometimes I pound the streets for days, Questing fruitlessly.
Sometimes the answer is right under my nose, as it was in… |
LAS
CALAS |
Las Calas is like an oasis in the middle
of the sometimes hectic center. Set in a beautifully restored
colonial house, the leafy patio area is the place to be
on a sunny day. When the weather turns a little sour (as
it has been known to do in Xela), there is indoor seating
in rooms decorated with artwork by local painters. Cultural
events such as poetry readings, live music and documentary
film screenings are often held here.
The expresso machine is small, but produces consistently
good coffee - thick, creamy and not too strong. If I weren’t
so driven I’d say I’d reached my goal. But as
we all know, the Search continues…
THE FINE PRINT: Las Calas is at 14 Av “A”
3-21 in Zone 1. They open early for breakfast and close
late. |
SEPTEMBER
2005
My search continues. Not content with
just one good espresso, I fear it is my Fate to wander the
Earth endlessly, sipping and sniffing, on my Quest for the
best cup of coffee in Xela.
It is not an easy burden that I must bear,
and it has taken me to some rare and fanciful locations.
Down alleyways, up hills, inside shopping malls. But I do
not complain. I understand that my Task is important, especially
when I stumble across a little gem like… |
EL
JARDIN |
El Jardín is probably the most
attractive café in Xela. Painted in cheerful colors
and decorated with arty photographs, this little place is
like your favorite café back home.
The coffee is good, too. The big, modern Rancilio machine
serves up one perfect cup after another. They also do good,
cheap breakfasts and a range of sandwiches and salads.
El Jardín is located at 18 Av 4-50
in Zone 3 (just around the corner from Paiz MontBlanc).
Opening hours are 8am-1pm and 3pm-8pm, Monday to Saturday.
|
AUGUST
2005
I, like many others, am a Seeker. I believe
I was put on this earth for one purpose and one purpose
alone: to find the best cup of coffee in Xela. I should
say from the outset that I am a Purist. No cappuccino, latte
or mocha frappuccino shall ever pass these lips. When I
say coffee, I mean espresso. A small, dark hit of pure caffeine.
You may think that being in Guatemala, producer of such
good coffee, my Quest would be simple. Think again. Seems
like most of the good stuff gets exported… sound familiar?
But anyway. There are a few good cups to
be had around town, which I’ll be sharing with you
over the coming months. Let’s start off with… |
CAFETERA.NET |
| Set in a pleasant little
indoor patio, this café/internet/bookstore serves
up a mean cup of Joe – strong, with excellent crema,
this is definitely what you’re looking for in an espresso.
Food options don’t go much past sandwiches, but there’s
a good range of breakfasts on offer.
The Gripe: What’s with the radio?
Give us some decent music at least…
Cafetera.net can be found at the corner
of 8 Calle and 15 Avenida, Zone 1. |
|
