IF WE WERE TO BREAK COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT LAWS TO PURCHASE PIRATED DVDS, THIS IS HOW AND WHERE WE WOULD DO IT

Following in the illustrious journalistic footsteps of O.J. Simpson and his tell-all book "If I Did It," the XelaWho staff brings you our first ever guide to buying pirated DVDs around Xela. Hypothetically, of course. Notice the conditionals "if," "were" and "would," Recording Industry Association of America. So, if we were - ahem - to buy pirated DVDs in Xela, we'd make sure to take into account the following considerations.

1. Try to buy DVDs from vendors with a TV and DVD player so you can preview them before buying. If they don't have a TV and/or DVD player, make sure they have a good return policy. Obviously it won't be in writing, but their word generally counts. Some will allow you to exchange returns for another DVD, while others will give you your money back. The latter is preferable, especially since people typically make returns when merchandise is of poor quality, and exchanging a poor quality DVD for another poor quality DVD only pleases the stingiest among us.
   
   
2. Don't be tempted by DVDs with multiple movies included on one disc. Three movies for the price of one sounds like a good deal, but these mixes are often of poor quality. A common trick is to include a DVD quality movie first (the one they show you on their TV), only to leave you with two or three poorly shot, unwatchable movies, often crappy sequels to begin with. If you decide to buy a three for one or any similar offer, make sure you preview ALL movies before buying.
   
   
3. Look for 100% DVD on the CD cover. It's no guarantee, but generally DVDs with a "100% DVD" or "Puro DVD" logo will consist of a quality, copied DVD with a menu and language options instead of a rogue cameraman at a budget theatre in Budapest.

Now that you know how to buy DVDs, we'll show you where to find the best vendors in Xela.

Minerva/Terminal
There are four or five DVD stands in and around Terminal, but Hector's is the best. To get to his stand, take the entrance closest to the Complejo (farthest from the Minerva temple). It's located on the right, halfway between the road and the bus terminal and just after the tarps and used clothing stalls.

Pros: Good selection of new movies - estrenos - all neatly displayed so you don't need to spend time rummaging through everything. TV and DVD player, so you can preview movies.

Cons: No volume discount.

La Demo (1 of 2)

La Demo is full of DVD stands, but Christian's isn't too tough to find - he sets up directly across from the Dispensa on 15 avenida in Zone 3 and only on Sunday afternoons. If that's not enough, his ponytail and a vast assortment of soccer jerseys give him away.

Pros: At Q10 per DVD, it's the best deal in Xela. Plus, if he doesn't have what you want, he'll do his best to find it for you during the week. Unlike most vendors, he carries full seasons of some TV shows on DVD.

Cons: He only sells DVDs on Sunday afternoons, which can be a pain if you're religious, hung over or both (for all you Irish out there).

La Demo (2 of 2)
Juan Luis's stand, located on the corner of 2ª calle and 15 avenida in Zone 3, is directly across from the yellow church one block North of Dispensa.

Pros: When you count the four other CD and DVD vendors who set up shop on the same corner, it has the best and most varied selection in Xela. Volume discount if you know how to negotiate.

Cons: No TV or DVD player to preview movies. That said, their return policy - exchange for another CD or DVD - isn't bad if you want to walk all the way back to Zone 3.