“Interesting?” you ask, eyebrows raised skeptically. “Wow, XelaWho is reaching now. Are they honestly going to police a word this mundane and straightforward?”

First off, of course we are reaching. But from a magazine that has taken on such pressing topics as airborne diarrhea epidemics, camel toe and ninjas killing kittens, do you really expect anything else? More importantly, the way that “interesting” is used within traveler circles is anything but straightforward. Specifically, we're concerned with why this word usually pops out when someone asks, “How have you enjoyed your travels?”

Depending on context, the “interesting” response means one of two things. Situation 1 takes place back home, when that question is posed by your asshole uncle Bert or some girl you went to high school with seven years ago. At this point, you drop the buzzword to avoid describing months of complexity to someone who probably doesn't care and is only going through the social motions. Fine.

Situation 2, the real problem, occurs when another traveler asks you, while abroad, about your journeys. Here, “interesting” means “I'm lonely/disappointed/it’s not what I expected/everything looks the same/if I have to see another waterfall I'm going to vomit.” So to speak.

Let’s air a dirty secret of backpacking. That is, for how much we talk up the freedom it grants us and the growth it affords us, traveling can be repetitive, disorienting, lonely, and even downright depressing. In fact, I think it was Hemingway that once said, “Traveling makes my pee-pee sad.” Well, something like that.

Anyway, instead of blandly responding “it's been interesting” when we're dying to talk honestly about the highs and lows of our journeys, let's cinch up those Patagonia undies and tell the truth. With a bit more honesty, maybe we can spend less of our precious time glumly journaling in cafes.

Our eyes and ears are everywhere. If we catch you spewing this sort of lazy verbal ponyloaf, you will be quickly disappeared, detained for upwards of 10 minutes, and spanked like the bad baby you are.

PAST BUZZES...

MARCH 2007

VACATION

Yes, you read that right, even though you are likely coming up empty trying to remember ever hearing a backpacker utter this word. “Vacation” is truly the anti-buzzword in the traveler community, a repulsive, horrific vulgarity that bohemian wanderers avoid at all costs.

Just for fun, ask the average backpacker how the vacation is going. Said traveler’s face will contort into a wounded scowl and, possibly after bout of uncontrollable vomiting, he or she will tell you, “I’m not vacationing. I’m backpacking.” Which, of course, is akin to saying, “I don’t drink coffee. This is an organic soy latte.”

Come on now. While it may be a vacation of the more conscious, nuanced variety, backpacking is exactly that – a vacation.

Everyone obviously does his or her own thing, but traveling through Central America often boils down to seeing some beautiful sights, gaining familiarity with new languages and cultures, and pounding mass quantities of cheap alcohol. Yes, it can be difficult, dusty and downright exhausting at times, and it is a helluva lot cheaper – not to mention more interesting – than spending a week sipping daiquiris in a self-contained fortress/condo in Puerto Vallarta, but let’s not kid ourselves. It is a more improvisational and unconventional vacation, but a vacation at heart.

And there’s nothing wrong with that. Taking a vacation doesn’t have to mean a two-week retreat to our Naples condo with Buffy (we wouldn’t think of going without Buffy). It can more broadly signify an endless number of journeys and pursuits, all of which are tied by the common thread of leaving home to have fun and explore. You can vacation and still be hip. We promise.

Our eyes and ears are everywhere. If caught perpetrating this crime of existential denial, you will be quickly disappeared, detained for upwards of 10 minutes, and subjected to that insidious form of torture known as the “dutch oven.”

FEBRUARY 2007

"DOING" GUATEMALA

Sitting in any old café or pub frequented by travelers, you are guaranteed to at some point hear the following exchange:

“So, where have you been so far?”
”Well, before Guatemala, I did Honduras, Nicaragua and El Salvador.”

OK, I’m confused. You did them? I mean, right off the bat it sounds like you’re some delightfully hungover fratboy enjoying a morning-after boast about the previous night’s sexual triumphs. “You did Chiapas? Holy shit, dude, she is sooooo hot! How’d you pull it off?”

But more importantly, and probably fairly accurately, it sounds as if you see traveling as some type of exotified county fair. Can’t spend too much time on the Tilt-a-Whirl and the Gravitron if we still want to do Belize, right?

If this is how you conceptualize your travels, that’s fine. If you are having the time of your life seeing the sights, meeting people and catching some perspectives different than those offered back home, that’s wonderful. But when describing it all, let’s neither delude ourselves nor degrade our hosts.

Guatemala isn’t some type of sexual conquest to check off the list, and honestly, spending two weeks exploring ruins, chilling at the lake, sipping coffee with new friends and riding a couple of chicken busses is no more “doing Guatemala” than visiting Yosemite Park, snapping shots of the Washington Monument and driving through Nebraska is “doing the States.” Although it doesn’t get much better than driving through Nebraska.

Anyway, we’re not going to “do” Guatemala anymore, right? Instead, let’s travel within it, enjoy it and respect it. And moreover, let’s remember that “it” doesn’t mean just one, static thing (see last month’s rant on “authentic” for elaboration).

Our eyes and ears are everywhere. If we hear this type of lazy verbal ponyloaf from your mouth, you will be quickly disappeared, detained for upwards of 10 minutes, and called lots of really mean names.

JANUARY 2007

AUTHENTIC

Now, we’re all out here in the world, doing our thing, expanding our horizons, and for that we should give ourselves a big hug. And it’s only to be expected that while traveling, studying, or purchasing illegal drugs abroad, we want to truly get a feel for the daily rhythms of the places we visit. As in, “have an authentic Guatemalan experience.”

What does that even mean? The way I hear it, it sometimes seems like something is only genuinely Guatemalan if it has been around for a few centuries and/or endured serious oppression or poverty. Thus, Mayan ruins, handmade crafts, former guerrilla encampments, and dusty markets all fit the bill, but not, for example, pristine tourist haven Antigua.

If I get lost in the markets of Terminal Minerva and end up in the HiperPais parking lot, has my time in Guatemala become less genuine? Do I need to add that qualifier when talking about my time abroad? “Yeah, it’s been amazing… oh, damn, but I had to pee in a McDonald’s bathroom once. Deduct 4 points.”

Let’s face it. For better or worse, everything you see here is authentically, though maybe not exclusively or beneficially, part of the Guatemalan daily reality. Marimba, fireworks, chicken busses, cheesy tourist traps, Mayan spirituality, evangelical Christianity, etc… Whether you think it’s positive, negative, or somewhere in between, it all has a genuine role in the country’s past, present, and future. This isn’t to suggest embracing, say, corporate invasion or handguns. But exposing ourselves to as many faces of Guatemala as possible seems like the best way to not only get an authentic picture, but also to get a broader idea of how to affect that positive change we’re all talking about. Am I right? Yes, of course I am.

Our eyes and ears are everywhere. If we hear this type of lazy verbal ponyloaf from your mouth, you will be quickly disappeared, detained for upwards of 10 minutes, and subjected to a merciless flurry of atomic wedgies and “yo momma” jokes.